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So Ayrn decided not to tell me he was going to be in Gunny. That's ok, I didn't want to see him or September anyway. Fuck both of you, I'm really glad I was trying to be your friend. Just like most my Lakewood friends, can't give me the time of day. Gods I fucking love feeling like shit.


I know how you feel, unless its Crystal, no one wants to talk to me anymore. :( Btw, somehow your cell number got erased from my phone. (it was an accident I swear.) So if you could e-mail me it, at aebifan01 at yahoo dot com, pwease? *puppy eyes*
I love you, and I'm sorry I can't call. Hope things go better.
least i am still coming to see ya!!! yippie.

i almost typed whoopie instead of yippie accidently, silly me. ha!
I did call after we got in, and September and I helped you move. What the eff? And trying to be someone's friend does not include any of the following: dropping hints on the superiority of your current beaux with little to no subtlety; well exceeding the RDA of bitterness, snideness and sarcasm; flipping a major nuclear shit upon the discovery that I am in town, despite my earlier attempt to inform you as such and my mentioning of it a week prior with as specific information as I had at the time; being a frosty psycho; and last, but certainly not least, wailing emo passive-aggressiveness masking an underlying inability to get over the fact that we split up.

I'm hurting too. I can be honest about that. But I'm trying to move on and be civil. You're being a shithead. Wake up and look at what you're doing already or this poor excuse for a friendship is fucked.
If you had bothered to check the time stamp you would see that I posted that BEFORE I spoke to you again. I'm not going to take something down just because things changed. Holy hell.

I can be as bitter, snide and sarcastic as I damn well please. After all you get to all the time. And in case you didn't notice you treated me like shit much of the time, perhaps I'm just returning the favor.

Fuck you and this shitty "friendship." What right do you have to tell me what I'm doing is wrong, or that I need to get over you. I could point fingers and take the nut shot, but I see no reason to. If you are going to act like you are 4 then I'm going to treat you that way. Get over it, grow up and move on with your life.
I'm sorry you felt like I was avoiding you. I was, to some extent, simply because I was vacationing with September. I left on the Fourth because I didn't want to get in the way of you and Jim having a good time, so I didn't want to put you in the same position.
I overreacted to your post. I thought it meant you were still seething with rage some time afterward, mostly because you didn't amend it when we seemed to patch things up. Back in May you put on a brave face when things were in pretty bad face and I thought that's what was happening again - you hiding your feelings.

I don't mean to be bitter, snide or sarcastic. They usually show up out of a need to go on the defensive, just because it still hurts when we get into fights. Little comments are barbed in ways they never used to be, wrapped up in jealousy, guilt and a need to fix what's too broken to mend. That's how I see it and I'm loathe to tell you how you're feeling - I know we both hate that.

I tried as hard as I could never to be jealous, posessive or outright cruel to you, out of respect for your individuality. That lead to me being distant, unappreciative and, well, cruel. I tried to be strong and open-minded as well, but I failed in those tasks. I really don't think I treated you like shit much of the time, and when I did, it was inadvertent because of my lack of experience or ability to communicate.

I have the right to tell you what you're doing is wrong when it's something that explicitly hurts me. I want you to live the life you want and feel free to do so, but when you are aggressive or blow things out of proportion with fuck-yous and accusations of avoidance like you did in those few texts you sent me near the beginning of all this, I have a right to let you know it's not on. I want you to be happy doing whatever with whomever you choose and I want to be some part of your life someday, but I think we're both being immature and that means we're hurting each other way more than either of us has a right to. This is the first big break-up either of us has had to endure and so it's probably just the fact that neither of us know what to do with all these grody feelings and conflicting emotions, but whatever happens, I appreciate the time we spent together and prefer to think of the good experiences we had rather than try and look for fulfillment in reliving the bad.

If there's something you need to tell me, you should. Nut shot or whatever, I'm willing to listen. I won't guarantee I'll like it, but if it means we can work through some of this enmity and crud we've built up, I'll do anything.
I don't want to fight anymore, this is stupid. I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine.

August 2006

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